“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”—Henry Kissinger


   Interesting enough, this was my first post when I signed on to Tumblr in February of last year. Why, would this be my introduction to the tumbling universe, I have no clue now that I look back on it, but when I saw this, it resonated enough for me to post. Looking at this quote 300-plus days later, I stared at what the Nobel Peace Prize winner and former Secretary of State said for about five minutes before fingers touched the keyboard. I couldn’t help but think there is more to Kissinger’s quote than meets the eye. It isn’t just about the fraternizing. At the end of the day, we’re all physical beings so the “fraternizing,” i.e. sex, will always cause men and women to share a common bond. Why the battle of the sexes, a confrontation which has waged on long before we were born and will continue long after we expire, will never find a victor is because of the Upper Hand Theory. 

                   Observe…
               

   Trust me, this is not a new concept but sometimes people get so caught up in the throws of dating or fraternizing, they lose their footing, thus losing their “hand.” First thing is first, regardless of the gender, when human beings come in contact with one another and being to communicate, somewhere in the midst of the relationship, the roles have been established. Name the situation—in the workplace, in the home, etc—people all play certain roles to one another in their lives. And depending on said roles, they know how to navigate how the relationship goes, like how a boss treats an employee, like how a family member treats its own blood, and like a lovesick jumpoff—male OR female—treats someone who is just trying to fraternize until boredom…and is off to the next frat party.

                    The reality is, it takes some time to realize (for me, 31 years) what I’m about to stress: Life is a game, especially when it comes to the interactions between men and women. Now, I know my lovelorn friends—mainly the women—would vehemently disagree and ban me from their potlucks for about a season or two but that’s because they haven’t played the game right. Like in any contest, there has to be a victor, there has to be someone who, as sports writers like to quip, “impose their will” on their opponent. And in order to finish them off, you have to jockey for position. No different from playing Chess, thumb wrestling or even Words With Friends—it’s all strategy. This is upper hand. It’s about having power over someone.

                     The funny part, or sad depending on which side of the fence you’re on, is for some of us who haven’t caught on to this, we’re subconsciously playing the game. We don’t know what we’re really doing. Just like women who haven’t realized that their, um…love below is a powerful tool to use to their advantage—but we’ll save that for another day. The ones who are hip…well, this is how they’re referred to by the ones they’ve defeated…

                    Her: “That n*gga ain’t sh*t but a dirty d*ck dog!”
                      Him: “Man, f*ck that scallywag b*tch!”
                      Her: “All men are pigs!”
                      Him: “B*tches ain’t sh*t but hoes and tricks.”

                    Yada, yada, yada…

                    “But, Sean, how do you get the upper hand?”

                     Hell, I can’t call it. Every situation is different. I can tell you how you lose it, though. The same thing that causes some relationships to end, some relationships to never materialize, and ruin the lovely concept of Friends With Benefits, which is really just a pipe dream.

                    Emotions.

                    A colleague of mine recently gushed about her boo-love and how she feels he may be the one. Beautiful thing. A couple of weeks later, it’s Bizarro World. Complete 180. I didn’t pry into what happened, not really my place. However, she did tell me that in the midst of the argument that caused her to be somewhat single she showed her hand, thusly losing her hand.
    
                  “I threw a tantrum and refused to get out of his car. Which led to me getting cussed out and told to get the fuck out of his car. Then I threw a shoe…”

                   Yeah, she lost her upper hand on that. See, this kind of behavior is frowned upon in our (meaning men) circle. But at the same time, as the glare of the red flag waves in our grill, it also shows us that we got you (meaning women). Sometimes, if not all the time, being emotional is actually the wrong way to gain footing in any relationship. Emotions are a tricky entity. It can either work to your advantage or not. But when it comes to really showing them, especially in the middle of a fight, your emotions can really work against you. In this particular case, as I explained to my friend, “he got you.” Not only does he see that you being so much in love will cause you to react in such a way, he knows how to push your buttons and literally take you…THERE. And thusly, he has the power. You lost the round, and quite possibly the whole damn game. Which is exactly why my friend’s text messages to her, now, ex-boo-love have been left unanswered since. If her emotions didn’t get the best of her, things would be totally different. And this does not absolve women from the same incriminating behavior. See, men and women, for the most part thrive off of the challenge. When the challenge isn’t there, what is there left to do?

                    But then again, when two people, as equals, get together—and are through positioning themselves for a power play—that’s when a real and fruitful relationship can flourish.

                    And isn’t that what we all want at the end of the day?